Friday, 23 December 2016

Things I Have in Common With This Christmas Bear

We are very alike, You probably can't even tell
which one of us this is a photo of.

We both love Christmas  

We both have killer fashion sense (We go to the same hat shop)

We are both essentially enthusiasts in an age of cynics.

Nobody knows where either of us came from, we both just appeared as if by magic after a fan fair played.

We both simply could stay with Dean Martin in 'Baby it's Cold Outside'

We both spend most of the year asleep in a box in my mum's attic.

We are both made of the same constituent parts (Mystery and ribbons), although they are arranged into different formations.

We pull the exact same face when we are waiting for you to react to our jokes.

Neither of us believes that rugby union even exists (where’s the proof? We’d both like proof)

Neither of us is any good at wrapping presents (he’s worse than me in fairness, he has no fingers)

We are both chronic exaggerators, but if you point it out in company we will both cut you.

We are both exhausted by the constant effort it takes not to point out our own fabulousness. We’d both appreciate it if you could point it out on our behalf.

Our walk is so similar it’s uncanny, although I obviously have a longer stride on account of me being like 12 feet taller.

Neither of us really understand maths or measurements, but honestly, we don’t really need to – we can both get by on our good looks and sparkling personalities.

We were both clearly born to head up a huge parade, with a marching band and elephants and everything but no-one ever asks us and we both think it’s starting to get beyond a joke. Honestly you’ve had 25 years and we’ve just been sitting here, ready and waiting. 

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