Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Times I've Been Wrong

Oh hey post-Brexit people, what are we all up to? If like me you were an IN voter you’ve probably been crying, listening to Abba and waiting for the end times. I thought it was an awful idea for Britain to leave the EU, but (and the next part of this sentence might shock you) I’ve been wrong about things before. In an effort to make us all feel better I've assembled a handy list of some of those times. 

1. When I was in my third year of Uni and I thought we had mice.

I’ve looked at nature book since then and I’m now 90% sure that the small furry creatures that infested our house were, in fact, rats. Okay so that was a time when I was wrong but the reality was worse. MY BAD. Let me try again.

Oh, sorry were you expecting an illustration related to the topic of the blog?
Well, it was E.U. regulations that said I had to draw things on topic and we're post Brexit now.

2.     When I was in third year of Uni and I thought I had a trapped nerve

One cold day in February 2012 I woke up and I had lost all feeling in my left leg. ‘That’s weird’ I thought ‘I must have a trapped nerve’. A week later I went into hospital for a brain scan and (this is the funny thing) it turned out I had Multiple Sclerosis. Yeah, sorry, that’s probably also a bad example. I promise this next one will be good.


3.     When I thought only male goats have beards.

As it turns out, all goats have beards. I don’t know who told me that lady goats don’t have beards, or why I believed them until I was twenty-one. Most likely it was the patriarchy pushing limiting gender roles like always. Those guys are the worst. 

Looking good in that imaginary necklace imaginary me.

4. That time I thought I’d discovered the world's most brilliant necklace.

About a year ago I thought I had discovered this brilliant necklace. I saw it on the Tatty Devine site and fell completely in love because it was stylish and a little bit ironic and I wanted it so badly. The necklace I loved was made up of chunky pink letters that read ‘Your Name Here’. Only it obviously wasn’t real, it was the sample image from the customised name necklace page. I did think about just making one that said ‘Your Text Here’, but it just didn’t feel the same somehow.   

5.     Every time I’ve ever measured anything.

The time I measured the space for some drawers in inches and the site I ordered them from measured them in centimetres and I insisted they delivered them to my house. The shop was only round the corner, the drawers were 41 centimetres high and I still tried to fit a pair of jeans in them. The time I was going to silversmithing classes and I needed 30 centimetres of silver but I somehow ordered 0.30 centimetres of silver. I tried to style it out by claiming I had ‘Wanted to test the quality’ and never went back to the class. The time I ordered my mum an A5 safari colouring book to go in her stocking at Christmas but it turned out to be an A0 colouring poster. I wasn’t even tipped off by the fact I’d ordered it from The Really Giant Poster Company.  


6.     Every time I tried to spell any words.

‘Isn’t it weird’ I proclaim to a room full of people, drunk on the brilliance of the observation I’m about to make ‘That the word Colonel has a G in it?’

‘Isn’t it weird’ I say later that same night, undeterred by the failure of my earlier observation ‘that you spell cogs with only one g but clogs has two?’   

That poor bear, all he wanted was to be my friend. 

7.     That time I thought I was being attacked by a tiny bear.

One night I was walking to my evening class in Bath when my bag brushed the wall at the same moment that the shadow from a passing car moved over me and I jumped into the air shouting ‘A Bear’. This was obviously a huge mistake on my part because, as everyone knows, the correct way to greet a tiny bear is with a hearty handshake. If only my reaction had been less over the top, me and him could be partaking in hilarious high jinks now.   

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