|Private detective is behind one of these trees|
When I am feeling super disorganised I often console myself by imagining the Uber – efficient PA I will get to run my life after I inevitably win the Nobel prize. This morning I had an epiphany, it came to me all at once that the solution to all that’s wrong in my life is not in fact a PA but instead a Private detective.
It would work like this – my future rich self would pay this private detective obscene amounts of money so that I would be their only client. The Private detective would follow me when I went anywhere or did anything (obviously excluding the bathroom, why would you think it wouldn’t exclude the bathroom?) and keep a record of everything I said or did.
That way when I asked them "Hey Private detective, do you know who was I on the phone to the other afternoon? You know when I was talking about that important thing"
They could say " Yes I tapped your phone. It was your Mum.” Or if I remarked aloud, "Frack! I wish I hadn’t thrown out that hand written draft.” The Private detective would tap me on the shoulder and say “Fear not, I found it whilst rummaging in your bins. Here it is.” Having a Private detective would solve the problems I am having at the moment because I could say “Argh, I’ve neglected my reflective journal for this year and I can’t remember what I did. Ever. My work makes no sense at all.” They’d just go “That’s cool, I’ve been keeping detailed notes on everything you’ve done this year, you can just hand those in.” then I’d say “Huzzah! my MA is saved!” we’d hug and then they’d go back to hiding in the bushes.