Private detective is behind one of these trees |
When I am feeling super
disorganised I often console myself by imagining the Uber – efficient PA I will
get to run my life after I inevitably win the Nobel prize. This morning I had
an epiphany, it came to me all at once that the solution to all that’s wrong in
my life is not in fact a PA but instead a Private detective.
It would work like
this – my future rich self would pay this private detective obscene amounts of
money so that I would be their only client. The Private detective would follow
me when I went anywhere or did anything (obviously excluding the bathroom, why
would you think it wouldn’t exclude the bathroom?) and keep a record of everything I said or did.
That way when I asked
them "Hey Private detective, do you know who was I on the phone to the
other afternoon? You know when I was talking about that important thing"
They could say "
Yes I tapped your phone. It was your Mum.” Or if I remarked aloud, "Frack! I wish I hadn’t thrown out that hand
written draft.” The Private detective would tap me on the shoulder and say
“Fear not, I found it whilst rummaging in your bins. Here it is.” Having
a Private detective would solve the problems I am having at the moment because I
could say “Argh, I’ve neglected my reflective journal for this year and I can’t
remember what I did. Ever. My work makes no sense at all.” They’d just go “That’s
cool, I’ve been keeping detailed notes on everything you’ve done this year, you
can just hand those in.” then I’d say “Huzzah! my MA is saved!” we’d hug and
then they’d go back to hiding in the bushes.
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